Weirdest water park ever

The other night I stayed at a hotel in Panama City. It was a very nice hotel, and I got a good deal for it online so I figured my field assistant (Sierra) and I would stay in a nice place before heading back to research stations. One of the draws for me was that it had a pool, of course. It turns out that the hotel didn't just have a pool, it had a water park. Sweet! For some reason pools in Panama tend to close around 5 pm, so we had to wait until the morning to go. Supposedly it opened at 10 am, but when we walked down around 9:40 a guy at the entrance said it was open and we should go in. The only people inside seemed to be working there, but we couldn't really tell. We walked around the water park, and it was very much what you might expect from a Latin American city: all the stuff inside looks like it hasn't been updated since at least 1983, and they have cages with monkeys and parrots and toucans. The actual water slides didn't have water running down them or jets where water would come out...just a plastic slide ending in the pool. Probably not so effective. We made our way over to the Lazy River and decided to give it a try. We grabbed innertubes, hopped in and made it about 10 yards when a group of young men called to us to say we couldn't use the lazy river because it was being cleaned at the moment. Why they waited to tell us this until after we were in the water, I don't know. There was literally NO ONE else at the park and ~5 guys were just sitting there watching us. So then we got out, and one walked over and shook our hands and (speaking in spanish) wanted to know where we were from, etc. Ten minutes later it was 10 am so we could go in the lazy river. First of all, there was no current. So getting down the river meant we had to paddle our innertubes with our hands. Second, although the guy had been cleaning it, the water still had tons of leaves floating in it, in addition to something that looked suspiciously like a mushroom. We went around the river in our innertubes and realize that we were being watched by pretty much every male employee at the water park. Finally we reached the point where we could get out and we left...still no one talked to us. On the way out we saw a couple of ten year-olds and figured out that maybe they were the targeted age for the park. Very bizarre.